Confession: Like many other women before me, I have made the mistake of believing that I needed a man in order to feel whole + emotionally and/or financially secure. But operating from the mindset that a relationship will save you, complete you or usher in the success you have been yearning is a guaranteed way to remain both single + unhappy.
Have you fallen into the same mental trap? It’s not entirely your fault. In fact, it’s woven into our female genetics. Our DNA has a sharp memory + for longer than not, women have needed men for survival.
But! Even though we’re living in a time when women have the choice of being with a man because we LIKE him – not because we need someone to pay the rent – some of us are still hoping for the day when a (preferably wealthy) man with a generous heart swoops in and saves us from our high credit card debt + money troubles.
If you’re looking for a sustainable sense of security and wholeness it cannot be found in any outside resource. A relationship will not rid you of the feelings of loneliness, fear or insecurity that are inherent in the human condition. There is no man, no job, no home or amount of wealth that can ever generate an ongoing, uninterrupted sense of fulfillment in you.
Shift your perspective + reassign the misplaced hope
FACT IS: You are already SAFE
- Stop waiting for Prince Charming to come along and make it all better.
- Stop putting off your dreams.
- Invest, now, in your career.
- Invest, now, in your education.
- Invest, now, in your finances + health.
Instead of secretly waiting for things to get better once you meet “the one,” begin living your life with authenticity + spunk.
A few ways to Strengthen + Brighten your life – Both Romantically and Financially:
- Examine your family history
How has your upbringing affected the way you feel about money? What are the underlying messages you received about finances as a child?
- Examine your feelings
How have your subconscious views about finances affected your current financial state? Money IS an emotional issue. Note your reaction when the subject of money comes up. If your palms start sweating, you stress out or zone out then you can be sure that your feelings about money are holding you back from being smart about it.
- Create a financial plan
How can you get smart about money + protect yourself and your relationship from emotional/financial entanglements?
- Learn to balance a budget: Either earn more or spend less. Few practical ways to save some mullah!
Distinguish needs from wants. Ask yourself if what you have will work well enough. Or do I really need this item or do I want it? If I put it down and walk away, will I still want it in a few days? If the answers is no – don’t buy it.
2. Drop your premium cable channels
I did when I went back to graduate school and it saved me $50 a month. That’s $600 a year! Besides, who needs cable when we have Netflix and Hulu?
3. Stop it with the fancy coffees
A large latte can cost $5 after tax; if you drink one each week day, that’s $25 a week and $1,300 a year!
4. Cancel your landline
Between your cell phone and Skype, you’re covered! And you’ll have about $40 more in your pocket every month.
5. Pay in cash
Once you’ve outlined your budget, withdraw your weekly allotment of ‘fun money’ from the ATM and use cash only to pay for your spontaneous lipstick/magazine/lunch purchases. But know that once that cash is gone for the week, you need to stay at home eating soup and watching dvds from the library.
See? That wasn’t too painful. With a little bit of self-control and a healthy reality check, you’re on the path to being your own financial savior!
Danielle Dowling, M.A., is an author, relationship expert and women’s life coach. She’s an intuitive strategist who works with progressive ladies who are ready to stop compromising on the things that matter most. An expert all things love-related, Danielle is an also available for speaking engagements, radio/telephone/skype interviews and other media appearances.So if you’re seeking fully-realized potential, legendary love or effortless communication befriend her on Twitter or Facebook and pop by her website www.danielle-dowling.com for regular doses of rapid fire wisdom. Danielle Dowling, M.A. is not affiliated with Perennial Financial or LPL Financial.